We live in a world without rules… no, that’s not quite true. We live in a world without set rules. Rules are arbitrary, change with a whim, and almost impossible to understand in our society. This is true in nearly every circumstance, business, taxes, real estate, but worst of all love.
Modern America is a world full of promiscuity, divorce, where traditional values are not appreciated. Unfortunately, the one place where those of a Christian Faith should be able to go to connect and find a mate, the modern church, has become the most difficult place to navigate when it comes to romance.
Why are church girls hard to date?
The modern evangelical church has a strong bias against any kind of dating, romance, whatever. This seems to have come in response to the Sexual Revolution that started in the 1960s.
While the rest of the world got much more casual about sex, the Church became increasingly negative about any activity that might lead to sex. This cumulated in the 90s with the purity movement and works like I Kissed Dating Goodbye.
I Kissed Dating Goodbye wasn’t just a book people read; it was a book they obeyed. It prompted some people to marry the first person they dated, even if they were unhappy together; to view the opposite sex with fear and suspicion; or to be afraid of starting any relationships at all. Others have struggled with viewing sexual abuse as evidence they were tainted. As one recent response on Harris’ site put it, “I feel the only man I deserve is one who is broken like me.”
Even though much of this thought is now rejected, people in the church in their 30s and 40s grew up with this. If they are single, they are still dealing with this thought process, if they are leading children’s groups, they are still sharing some of these deeply ingrained ideas.
Things like courting, purity rings, waiting on God are all very romantic and beautiful, but do they work? Are they effective?
On top of these ideas, there is also a huge amount of pressure on anyone trying to date in a church community. You have coffee with a woman and suddenly there are wedding planners chasing you down.
These things are 100% contrary to what goes on outside of the church walls. Online dating has made it easy to date multiple people, have lots of sex and never commit. Most people don’t even “date” they just hang out and hook up.
What should the modern Christian man do?
So what should the modern Christian man do? Should we attempt to date church girls? Should we go online? What would God want us to do?
That is the point of this site. Those are the questions that need answers. We need to find a balance between the no-dating position of the church and the PUA and Dating Gurus. There has to be a better way to find someone.
Any comments, feedback or ideas are appreciated!