In one of my previous posts I made the comment that Christian women don’t just want Prince Charming, they want Jesus. I believe this to be true, but I also think that the church, in general, has an interesting concept of who Jesus was. I think many people in the church see Jesus as a weak beta nice guy, but he definitely wasn’t. The Jesus presented in the Gospel was an alpha – really The Alpha.
The concept of “game” or just modern PUA techniques really boil down to a few key concepts. Mostly the idea of knowing who you are and what you want. I want to take a few of these key concepts and relate them to Jesus.
Most people would agree that one of the most attractive things to women is confidence. They want a bold confident man.
Jesus was possibly the most confident man that ever lived. If you read the Gospels, I can’t think of any instance where he wasn’t supremely confident. He didn’t ask for things, he demanded, told, instructed, ordered. He knew who he was and where he was going. Knew what the Father set before him. The only time that we see any weakness was in the Garden of Gethsemane where he anguished over what was to come. Even this wasn’t necessarily a lack of confidence, just a desire to not have to do a hard thing.
One of the “tricks” the seduction community often talks about is getting compliance, getting investment. Moving a woman around, asking her to do things, getting her to buy into your frame – your way of thinking. I suspect, and I may research into this more, that compliance is a tool that causes men and women to buy more into you and what you are doing.
Jesus always seemed to be telling random people to do things. One great example is the Samaritan woman in John 4:7
Then a woman from Samaria came to draw water. Jesus said to her, “Give Me a drink”
He starts this interaction out with a command to give him a drink. He does it all the time:
As Jesus was walking beside the Sea of Galilee, he saw two brothers, Simon called Peter and his brother Andrew. They were casting a net into the lake, for they were fishermen. “Come, follow me,” Jesus said, “and I will send you out to fish for people.” At once they left their nets and followed him.
Another thing I talked about recently is the Christian dating advice that you shouldn’t play games. You should just come out and say ‘I like you and want to explore the idea of marriage’. Jesus was rarely plain. Almost everything he said was a parable, or contradictory or just plain difficult to understand. He is one of the most enigmatic people in history. Countless people over two millennia have worked to understand his teachings. In fact, the apostles spent the rest of the New Testament trying to clarify the Gospels.
Why did he do this? At least partly because it’s interesting. Humans naturally are drawn to a mystery and want to figure it out. The same reason you should be mysterious. One thing to note though, the Bible is plain about it’s overall purpose, just the details are mysterious. It’s OK, good even, to show a woman that you are interested, but it’s also OK to push and pull, not answer every question, listen more than you talk, play the game a little. Life is fun, and it’s good to do things that keep people engaged.
Handling Rejection and Betrayal
One thing that modern men, it seems that especially men in the church, don’t handle well is rejection. Guys can get angry and spiteful when they are rejected. This is something the Christ didn’t do. He never forced himself on anyone, and when he was rejected or even betrayed, he didn’t get angry or vengeful. A great example is the story of the Prodigal Son. Not directly about Christ, but one of his teachings about a son that rejects his father, goes off to live life his own way, but when he does return his father embraces him warmly, doesn’t chastise him at all.
We should be like that. If we are rejected, let that person go, but treat them with love if they return.
A key thing in that story is there was not an expectation of the son’s future behavior. The father welcomed him back but didn’t scold him or assign him a place to work. He was welcomed unequivocally without expectation.
Another example is the rich young ruler. Jesus told him the requirements to be saved but didn’t become angry when the man rejected him.
Another thing Jesus didn’t do was chase after anyone. He never did anything to try to supplicate or coerce anyone. He was his own man and if someone didn’t follow him he just let them go their own way.
This one is a bit interpretive, but people liked to be around Jesus. I mean really, how many of you have a 12 man posse that quit their job to follow you around??? He would go out to speak and crowds would follow him. Women would break perfume at his feet. He was accused of hanging out with sinners. He turned water into wine. Now I don’t want to insinuate that He did anything bad, or that you have a right to party and be crazy because Jesus did it, but he wasn’t a stick in the mud either. He wasn’t boring. People were drawn to him, and not because he was putting them to sleep with his lame stories.
The idea of attainability is one of the biggest problems I think Christian guys have who want to date.
Single men in the church usually fall into one of two categories. Either they are just creepy and scare the girls away, or they are aloof and won’t engage. This leads so many Christian women to ask the question “Why won’t he ask me out?”.
How many of you guys have had this happen? A woman is flirty and friendly and fun, but you just aren’t sure. Aren’t sure that she’s “the one”, and there’s all this pressure to “date intentionally”. Or maybe you are just scared, unsure. Either way, you try to make her invest more. You act aloof and uninterested. You play games. Then one day, all of a sudden, she goes cold. She wants nothing more to do with you. That is an attainability problem. She decides you are unattainable and she’s wasting time, so she just ghosts you.
Attainability is the probably the most beautiful message of the Gospel. It’s something addressed in the most popular verse in the Bible – John 3:16
For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.
God made himself attainable to us by sending Jesus. We also see this in Jesus’ life. He ate with sinners and tax collectors, in fact, went to Zaccheus house for dinner. He even encouraged the children to come see him in Matthew 19:14
Jesus said, “Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these.”
Even the Caannanite woman got access to him in Matthew 15:25
The woman came and knelt before him. “Lord, help me!” she said.
He replied, “It is not right to take the children’s bread and toss it to the dogs.”
“Yes it is, Lord,” she said. “Even the dogs eat the crumbs that fall from their master’s table.”
Then Jesus said to her, “Woman, you have great faith! Your request is granted.” And her daughter was healed at that moment.
Be a Man Like Jesus
Preachers will often bring things like this up when it comes to advancing the Kingdom. Encourage us to be bold and share our faith. But these are concepts we can use in every aspect of our daily life. Our work, our relationships, our dating and ultimately our marriages and families. If we, as men, would be a little more like Jesus, I believe we would have more success in lives.
It’s interesting that the Internet dating community has picked up on these concepts that are so well illustrated in the Bible. In some cases, they have turned them for questionable or even evil purposes, but that doesn’t mean that the foundation they are built on is invalid.