That is one of my all-time favorite ad campaigns. Believe in your Smellf!
If there is one piece of advice I could give to any single Christian man, it’s “believe in yourself”.
This is a really tough one.
Somehow, and maybe this is me, there’s this idea that women are all just snobby and too good for us. Especially women we are attracted to, but even others.
Lack of Pursuit
Some single Christian women are cold fish. Sorry if you don’t like that term, but they aren’t going to give a guy ANYTHING. They will act indifferent if even when talking to their crush that they believe God has told them they are going to marry.
But, most single Christian women aren’t in this boat. They will drop subtle, and sometimes not so subtle hints. Then these women will complain that the guys don’t ask them out. The guys won’t pursue. The guys won’t engage.
Lack of confidence. Lack of belief in themselves.
Why do they have this lack of belief? These men have had limited success in the dating arena. This is probably why they are single. This lack of success makes them a little scared. So, when Sister Sally starts smiling and staring and waving at you, what do you do? You push her away. You ask for a little more. You hesitate, procrastinate, let things drag on. Finally, Sally gives up, moves on, then what does the guy do? All of a sudden he realizes what was happening and tries to get something going. But Sally is over it and shuts him down – reinforcing this belief he already has.
The more this cycle continues, the more hesitant he is to pursue.
I want to share a little of my own story and where I’m at right now. A couple years ago I joined a group. My confidence level wasn’t high, but there was a girl there that was younger than I and cute and she was flirting. Overtly flirting. Doing all the things, the eye contact, the smiling, the hair flips, being just a little hot and cold.
So she has me completely out of my mind, and I just call her and tell her I like her and would like to date. She claims she wasn’t interested and I misconstrued things. I was crushed. Later I learned this was just a trick she liked to play. Get a guy to like her and then pull the rug out from under him. Nice girl.
But the damage is done. A few months later another girl starts being friendly, a woman I was very attracted to. The problem was, my head was in a place where I’d lost some trust, so I simply couldn’t believe that this girl was interested in me. I thought she was just being nice, so I kept pushing, asking for more, and she kept responding. Then she got tired of it and was over it.
For a really long time, until the last few weeks in fact, I didn’t really get it. I’m still not sure I get it. I thought she was just playing or just being friendly and I was just reading into it.
A couple things happened recently that made me change my mind.
One is that another woman confessed her feelings for me. She made it very clear that she not only was interested in me but thought I was exceptional.
OK, let me pause right here and clarify something. I’m really not. I’m on the short side, on the fat side, not particularly beautiful otherwise and getting a bit old. Honestly, I’ve lived most of my life thinking I just wasn’t all that. So this idea that I’m some kind of prize is tough to swallow.
But… looking back over the last couple years, I have good evidence that this is true. This one woman, although it was nice to hear her say it to my face, wasn’t the only one.
The other thing I’ve come to recognize is that women are rarely obvious about their interest. The ones who are, tend to be clumsy, awkward and socially unaware. The more socially savvy, or maybe just more fearful a woman is, the tougher it’s going to be to see her interest.
So, upon reflection, this woman that was giving me subtle hints was probably REALLY into me. In fact, the biggest reason the situation went south is that she had to get a bit too obvious about it.
Thing is, I see this in other guys. Guys that are better looking, more successful, harder working, younger than I am. They still struggle with this. They believe things that are flat out not true, that they are ugly or too short or too weird.
So this is my advice for today – to you gentle reader, and to myself. Believe. Believe in yourself. Believe that girl is flirting with you. Believe she likes you.
And get rid of those mean girls that take over your head. They have a problem and probably do those kinds of things because they are broken inside, not because you aren’t good enough.